How do you deal with such major change? Who is there to turn to? How will you face your friends and family now? Well, firstly, don’t panic. Panic can cause you to do certain things rashly that you may regret for the rest of you life. Sit down, look at your options and weigh the consequences. The question that runs through your mind should not be how could you get pregnant. There are many reasons why young teenagers get pregnant these days. You were looking for love. Maybe you were raped. You could have been looking for a sense of identity or a sense of direction. Maybe it was case of a “slip up”. Someone said, “Teenagers don’t get pregnant in a vacuum. It’s a by-product of hopelessness, a symptom of poor job prospects, of families that lack strong role models of the influence of the MTV culture celebrating sex.”
Let’s name some V.I.Ps in your life that will help you through the problem - the guy, your parents and your close friends.
The Guy
Many guys these days run away from the problem not because they don’t care, but because they feel that the problem is beyond them. They suddenly feel helpless. Some may even feel angry, thinking that it is solely the girl’s fault that she got pregnant. This was the comment of one guy, “It’s her fault that she got pregnant because she didn’t take any precautions.” Erm… news flash – it very normally takes TWO to get pregnant! Some offer financial help then run. Some try to take on part of the blame and responsibility. Some offer to marry the girl.
It’s easy to understand why they run – after all, they are still teenagers themselves. Having to jump the gun to become a father is no small deal! Fatherhood has a lot of responsibilities that not every man can handle – especially when the ‘man’ is under 21!
Too easily that what was once “love” between the two turns into hate and bitterness. While for a short time, these feelings are acceptable, please do not let it linger. You have to learn to forgive him, and him, you. Keeping that anger in you just hurts yourself in the end and no one ‘wins’.
Mom and Dad
You spend about 18 years to nurture your child in every possible way you can. You teach her about responsibility, spend all that money on her and instill good moral values in her. You’ve given her all your love and care and all these long years only have her drop a bombshell at your feet with the heart-breaking words, “Mom, Dad, I’m pregnant.”
Something inside you crumbles, hurts and breaks. We sympathise with you. You get angry – and it’s only a reasonable reaction. After all, there’s the family pride to take into consideration. The first thoughts are usually of your parents – “How will my father be able to face his friends at work and church?”
However, despite your hurt and anguish, it helps when you support your child through this. One father, when told of his daughter’s pregnancy, said something which struck me: “The mistake has been done – let’s stick together as a family to make sure she doesn’t make another mistake in her life.” Without the love and support of the parents, the child may do a second mistake, which is often irreparable. Communication with your child is so very important in helping her deal with problems. One teenager couldn’t talk to her parents about being pregnant because she knew that she would be immediately kicked out and sent to a home. She says, “My relationship with my parents was never smooth. They married because my mom was pregnant with me and have never showed me the love and care I needed. We never talked about anything so telling them I was raped and was now pregnant was just not possible.”
My Pals
The reactions of your friends would most likely be one of these few: sympathy, apathy, scorn, care or pity. And you have to learn to accept these reactions because people aren’t going to change. One teenager shares, “Some of my friends now keep their distance, some try to understand and there are some who are nice because they pity me. I have to learn to be thick-skinned. If they were my true friends, they’d accept me just as I am, changes or no changes. It’s better to have one true friend than 10 friends who pretend.”
Those of you who are friends of pregnant teens or teens with children, try putting yourself in their shoes and you will soon find yourself more sympathetic and loving towards them. Remember she is NOT enjoying herself!
I think that the church as a whole should not be quick to condemn, but rather reach out their arms to support and try to help the girl and her family. You may not always know what to say or do, but condemning and ostracizing this person doesn’t help “save” her. Sometimes the world out there is kinder than us. Stand alongside the family as a source of support and encouragement. Isn’t there a verse that says “When one part of the body hurt, the whole body hurts too?”
All these people in your life will either make you or break you. How well you take the bitter side of it is in your hands but it is also our responsibility as the guy, her parents or friends to be that shoulder to cry on and pillar of strength throughout.
(D2Y2 Vol 1 Issue 6 PP9832/5/99) |
